Elation?!

Wasn’t this supposed to elate me?
Then how come I feel all wasted
What wrong turn did I make for me to end up in this Inferno?
How long have I resisted this feeling?
I am delusional and oblivious of the world around
Then just like that…
My heart was shattered
Back to its broken form
The pieces are scattered in endless directions
I seem to not have the courage to collect them all
For what use are the broken pieces
If not to be broken further down?
Just like my life…
What else is its use when everything is ruined
Suspended into thin air
What else is left that is whole in me?
I am but a clump of flesh
Moving without life and void of emotion
What happened to me?
How come I ended up in this state?
I am unaware of the surroundings
I did not notice that it was eating me up
Now I am this
A hand that writes
Of nothing but emptiness
A shallow pit filled with broken pieces
Of the past…
Of my heart…
Of my soul…
I have no idea of what step to take next
Hope that someone would know how to put them back together?
But it is useless to hope
For everything is beyond reproach
Beyond remorse
And beyond a life that seeks to defuse
All because of an experience I dared to feel